Oscar Outcomes from the Upside Down

There's a lot of confusion over what exactly went down last night. Allow me to explain:

Civilization has failed.

Remember election night? I know you do. We were all heading in one direction together (or so we thought) and then everything changed. We either jumped timelines, or we entered the Upside Down, or we revealed the glitch in the Matrix and now...well now there is no spoon! No spoon, no democracy, no red envelope.

And remember Super Bowl? Atlanta was going to win but then they just didn't.

Why would the Oscars be any different? 

Was Warren Beatty too old to be given the right to read the wrong card? Was Emma Stone sabotaging the outcome with her red envelope? Did Russia somehow have a stake in Moonlight? No, no and I'm not sure. But that doesn't matter because the fabric of what we once thought was reality has begun to crumble and so now we have to start accepting that things will not proceed in the manner to which we have become accustomed. 

Let me bring this back to movies because that's all I really ever want to talk about. I feel horrible that the La La Land people had to give their happy speeches and then have the awards taken away. That is really crappy. AND I feel terrible that the Moonlight people had to accept their award amidst such awkwardness after having spent several minutes believing that they had not won. Bummers all around! But I think the Oscar voters actually got this right! Let's look at what WAS actually awarded last night:

La La Land was a bewitching musical that captured people's imagination, for sure. I also know that a lot of people felt that it was over rated because its story was a little thin. So La La Land got celebrated for its special elements; music, cinematography, production design and Emma Stone's undeniable charm and vulnerability. It also got recognition for the director who brought all of these pieces together to really surprise and delight so many people this year.

And then there are Moonlight and Manchester by the Sea which were both more solid stories overall. And they both won in their respective categories for writing. Both films got recognized for their outstanding performances and ultimately the voters determined that Moonlight was the better overall film (which I happen to agree with.) 

So it got confusing because of the alarming fact that logic and linear time and perhaps the laws of physics no longer hold sway in this new age, but ultimately the outcomes were not unfair so at least that's a good thing. For now, I'm just going to concern myself with how we will make films in the absence of gravity or what kind of stories I can write about the rapid evolution of weaponized cats because I'm pretty sure anything is possible now and I just want to be ready. 

Now! Will someone please recommend a really mindless, fluffy, non-serious, non-depressing bit of escapist entertainment for me please? My brain needs a serious Oscar cleanse. Immediately.