The Father

Movie: The Father
Nominated for: Best Picture, Actress in a Supporting Role, Adapted Screenplay, Actor in a Leading Role, Production Design, Film Editing
How I watched: VOD
When I fell asleep: No, actually
When it had me: The puzzle element
When it lost me: I slowly drifted away from it
What I have to say: 

I waited so long for this one because I was hoping the price would drop form $20 to $5.99. No such luck. I dreaded this because who wants to watch two incredible actors remind us how harsh dementia can be? 

I've been engaging in a little introspection about why I feel avoidant here. You know I watch ALL of these films. I sign up to watch incredible actors remind me how harsh war can be and racism and rape and natural disaster and marriage and serial killers, etc. I think dementia is harder for me to face; my grandmother has it and I could be a candidate. I could be heading there much sooner than I would like. I think that's part of it. If I'm watching movies about murderers, I can learn to avoid murder (or at least I have myself so convinced.) If I watch movies about social injustice, it raises my awareness and I can fight for justice. But my own mind betraying me? I can do nothing about it, so I'd rather not engage.

What worked for me in this film was the care taken to show us what dementia might be like for the one experiencing it. The film is disorienting, confusing, frustrating, repetitive and does not offer clear answers. Puzzling things out became engaging for me and got me through a good portion of it. 

This film is also the first time I understood the irritability and anger that often come with dementia. It seems clear that once your mind becomes dissociated from the "now" it begins to feel like a cruel joke is being played on you and everyone is in on it. I got so sick of hearing people say, "Don't you remember?" We need to stop asking THAT question once dementia sets in.

Once I got through my aha moments, though, I just wanted out. I didn't want to watch things get worse. I couldn't see what more I had to gain from it. I was disengaged for probably about the last half hour.

I'm super interested to hear how others responded to this one!